In honor of my youngest son's 6th birthday today, I am taking his advice and 'writing' some of my D&D poems on the computer. Since I don't think the community at large is ready for them yet, I'll post them to Canonfire instead of Facebook.
Note: I wrote all of these in my High School years playing AD&D during the mid-80s.
I was invited to dine with a dragon.
We laughed and made merry with wine from a flagon.
He told me he planned to have me for desert,
And I laughed and fell down and rolled 'round in the dirt,
'Til he snatched me up quickly with one giant claw,
And brought me up close to his huge, gaping maw.
I said, "Hold!"
"What did you think of the woman you ate,"
As I looked at the bones that now shined on his plate.
I said, "Now I am angry and so shall avenge her!"
I gave him a taste of my Holy Avenger.
After reading through Piers Anthony's Split Infinity series, my friends and I decided that Wishes would be more powerful (that is, less likely to be twisted and ruined by the DM) if they were put to rhyme. Thus, I experimented with several like the ones below.
I wish,
If added to my Strength,
Had I some ten percent,
Everything at length,
Would know just what I meant,
Whenever I'd say to an evil creature, "Thou repent!"
If a Huge, Ancient Red came across me in bed,
I'd surely be dead from my toes to my head.
So, I wish for a few, three Hit Points times two.
My worries be through with total anew.
If I had maximum Hit Points,
And wasn't a person who lit joints,
Would I be a much better fighter?
Well, why don't we try it and see?
Yes, that should be easy for me.
I never was much of a lighter.
I now have a dagger +3,
But that's not enough for me.
I'm greedy and always want more.
I wish for a dagger +4.
I'm sure you're ready for a break if you've read this far, so I'll quit now and encourage everyone else to post their own fun D&D rhymes for our entertainment. I promise, there's at least one person on Canonfire who'll appreciate them.
SirXaris
Last edited by SirXaris on Fri Aug 26, 2022 12:21 pm; edited 2 times in total
Gentlemen, such writings should be submitted for posting to the Front Page! LOL
We will be adding a section for Greyhawk and D-n-D poetry to our Articles Page. We would like to encourage you and all others to continue submitting such material to Canonfire!
Well done Sir Xaris and Grodok. We look forward to reading more of your work.
As a teenager, I had an AD&D Elven Fighter/Magic User of 7th/7th level named Shan d' Lier. I thought it would be fun to make up the verbal components to some of his spells. As using Latin so extensively was a bit beyond my ability at the time, I chose modern earth jargon to represent the nonsensical-sounding words of magic with the following results.
First Level Magic Missile
Sting like a thissle
You Magic Missile.
Give him (or her, it, them) a kiss
And do not miss.
Charm Person
I like you
And you like me,
So let's not fight
Since friends we be.
Hold Portal
Nice little portal,
Please let me in,
Or I'll huff and I'll puff
And I'll kick you in.
Second Level Web
Spiders, spiders, listen to me.
These poor fools confused must be.
Entwine them in your sticky strands,
Then sit and watch and clap your hands.
Invisibility
I can be seen and that's not cool.
You've bought the beans, so listen fool.
I must be clear as if the winds
And I were near to being twins.
Third Level Fireball
Fire, fire, come a bit closer.
Make them feel like toast in a toaster.
Burning brighter, hotter and hotter.
Cook them well like a tator totter.
Popping, crackling, make them fry
As McDonald did to each Fry Guy.
Lightning Bolt
From the sky I take such power
That's only seen in thunder shower.
I have no kite, nor key, but sense,
So aim this charge across the fence.
No string is needed, there they be.
Hit them. Be sure. Don't mess with me.
Fly
Zippidee do da, zippidee aye.
My, oh my, what a wonderful day.
I feel like flying. Let the wind blow.
Throw out my ears like baby Dumbo.
I just don't feel like taking the stair.
I'll take my chances on a wing and a prayer.
Please attempt to refrain from throwing rotten fruit.
SirXaris
Last edited by SirXaris on Sun Apr 19, 2015 4:19 pm; edited 5 times in total
Wow! This is a thread my other name sake Aoric would love. He's the bard in the Spine Castle campaign. His favorite poem would be by a fictitious author of my creation Known as Caswil Gastingil.
Rosewoods Voice
“Of supple wood, of rosy glow
Mistress of wind, my heart endures
Your lips to mine, and mine to yours
The toils of man, are made undone
When your voice is heard, divine I become
Now you are gone, forever lost
My heart is nothing, it angst in pain
Without you I wither, each day “
One I have yet to used in the campaign.
St. Cuthbert the Cudgel
"St. Cuthbert as the story goes
Once clubbed the old one on his nose
With a great cudgel, that made him roar
All the way back, to Dorakaa"
[/i]
Last edited by Argon on Thu Mar 07, 2013 6:36 pm; edited 1 time in total
A Dwarven drinking song written specifically so that my surface-dwelling Mountain Dwarf could stagger through the streets in the wee hours of the morning after a long day at the forge with the lyrics slurring from her lips.
I still think it's silly, but Mystic says it's worth sharing so I'll share it with you. Enjoy.
Round Pouch Inn
Oh, t'was an early morn - and a sullen one-
When last a Dwarf was 'low the sun,
But a happy day at the end was known
For the dwarf's round pouch of gold had grown!
And with work and sweat and an honest grin,
He's naught but laughter for a friend,
And a silly smile upon his lips
To accompany the ale he sips!
But the last was strong,
And so t'was - 'ere long,
When the drink he drank
Was of what he stank...
That his wife, she called,
But the old man bawled,
For he knew her not in his drunken state,
And he begs her still to this very day...
For forgiveness still, for the slight he did,
When he said, 'Hello, Luv, Will yeh have a sip?'
And she did agree to his offer then,
Just to find that naught was left within
The dark old mug, that he'd spilt and drunk
And she sent him back to that costly bunk!
And the money made, there he spent again,
And his new home's called, 'The Round Pouch Inn'! _________________ Shadows and Dust; Just Another Soul.
I made my character for a Greyhawk game I'm to start on Friday actually have ranks in craft: poetry, so perhaps I'll have some more poems to share here fairly soon. _________________ Shadows and Dust; Just Another Soul.
And it would seem the Muse of poetry has decided she wants to catch a bit of air through me. Who am I to argue with a Muse?
~*~*~
It was a quiet minstrel to first tell the tale in a place known as The Red Blade Tavern. The establishment was nestled comfortably in the town of Stalmaer in Gold County.
The minstrel took the stage with an easy stride, and drew the bar stool resting on it forward. He took a lap-harp from its case and tuned the chords drawn across the glossy wooden frame, listening to the quiet resonance produced from the gentle pluck of his practiced fingers.
When the sound was to his satisfaction he rested on the stool and strummed a simple chord, his clear, crisp voice cutting through the air in the room with ease despite its quiet volume.
"Come and listen, if you will,
To a tale I've yet to tell.
Turn your mind far from this place
To lands once bathed in light and grace."
His fingers graced the strings again, just enough to send a few notes humming through the air. Already he had the attention of the majority of the inn's inhabitants as he continued his tale.
"The northern reaches of our kingdom
Rarely thought of so far south
Have stories to rival what minstrels have spun
By the telling of a common soldier's mouth:"
A few more notes graced the air and he could see he'd caught the barmaid's ear. He gave her a small nod of his head as he spoke the introduction in a voice that carried no music.
"This story, friends, from Redoubt in Kalinstren, is said to have sprung from the lips of an unsung hero who fought on the walls and drank of the tankards of the Blackstarr inn."
He gave his eyes leave then to find those of the youngest occupant of the room, shining blue orbs which had settled on his form in curiosity. To this young patron her offered a smile as he said, "There, in the war-torn north, they call this The Walls of Redoubt"
And by now the movement in the establishment had drawn to a minimum, wenches still took drinks to tables, but their eyes were fast upon the minstrel too, who played the cords of his harp so minimally as he began to sing,
"Come stand beneath the bastion of the north,
Where Kalinstren banners send her watches forth
High above restive lands of war,
And vigil kept is just a common chore."
And the first verse was one of beckoning, carrying the feel of a call to war, though its tone transitioned in the final lines, lightening a little as it alluded to the enticement in the second stanza's words.
"You've never seen a sight so proud as this,
Tall, stone walls glisten in the morning mist
As the sun shines brightly in the sky over our heads,
Upon sixty-some ballistae ready in their beds."
A grin danced across his lips between the prideful words, and were one not sure they rested in Gold County they might have well mistaken the man for a Kalinstren soldier singing of his pride in his duty as his ballad continued on,
"And never was a siege brought before her gate,
That left her defenders wondering what would be their fate,
For granite walls of Dwarven craft are like a promise made,
They will not crumble before men without a wizard's aid."
The grin had become a knowing smirk and the bard waggled his eyebrows at the last, accentuating the joke he'd meant to carry in the words. However, as the cords continued they took a somber turn and the humor was gone from his face as quickly as it had come,
"We know the desperation of a people wrought with pain,
With loss and heartache, truly, for what would be our gain,
If nothing came of darkness sewn by the Old One's glove,
And memories were not held dear of those we've lost and love?"
More than a single head bobbed in agreement with this sentiment, for loss of a loved one was certainly not an alien concept, not even here in the southern reaches of Gold County. For the next line his voice trumpeted a bit, a subtle change in volume and carriage that turned it from a soft mourning tone to one of determination and fierce pride,
"And so when we stand in Redoubt we keep our heads held high!
Our whispered words, each promise felt, a dream that will not die!
We'll once again to war, my friends, with allies at our sides,
And tell our enemies once more we will stand against their tides!"
An energy carried in the air and for a moment it seemed as one or two of the patrons might stand or cheer as though rallied to the needs of which the bard was singing, but no one did, for all wished to hear the song's conclusion.
"For within the Walls of Redoubt, hope is kindled strong,
And dreams are kept and losses wept for by all who come along!
We stand together within the Walls, while attackers break apart,
Within the walls of Redoubt, lies Furyondy's heart!"
The last line, musical and enchanting as it was, was a risk to the minstrel, for the people of Gold County could be as prideful as those of the north, but he was a practiced performer and the reception of such a claim was surprisingly good in this far southern corner of the country.
When the applause had died down and the minstrel was nursing an ale bought him by the patrons he tipped his head to those nearest, "Thank you for your generosity. It's a tale that seems worth telling. Now, does anyone here have any requests?"
No answers came immediately, though the nearest patron did smile and say, "That was a clever introduction to your last work, Minstrel, to claim it was born of a soldier's lips rather than your own."
In a hushed voice the performer responded, "Aye, indeed, a clever introduction because it was a true one, though I never claimed, good patron, that my lips were not soldier's lips." The minstrel gave the patron a wink and could see the look of surprise in the patron's eye as he caught sight of the scar normally hidden in the folds of the minstrel's eyelid.
~*~*~
Credit goes to Iressi for furnishing me a tavern name and placing them in that town in Gold County.
Also, in case anyone would like it, here's the poem without the quotations and narrative bits:
~*~*~
The Walls of Redoubt
Come stand beneath the bastion of the north,
Where Kalinstren banners send her watches forth
High above restive lands of war,
And vigil kept is just a common chore.
You've never seen a sight so proud as this,
Tall, stone walls glisten in the morning mist
As the sun shines brightly in the sky over our heads,
Upon sixty-some ballistae ready in their beds.
And never was a siege brought before her gate,
That left her defenders wondering what would be their fate,
For granite walls of Dwarven craft are like a promise made,
They will not crumble before men without a wizard's aid.
We know the desperation of a people wrought with pain,
With loss and heartache, truly, for what would be our gain,
If nothing came of darkness sewn by the Old One's glove,
And memories were not held dear of those we've lost and love?
And so when we stand in Redoubt we keep our heads held high!
Our whispered words, each promise felt, a dream that will not die!
We'll once again to war, my friends, with allies at our sides,
And tell our enemies once more we will stand against their tides!
For within the Walls of Redoubt, hope is kindled strong,
And dreams are kept and losses wept for by all who come along!
We stand together within the Walls, while attackers break apart,
Within the walls of Redoubt, lies Furyondy's heart!
-Written 08/31/2011. _________________ Shadows and Dust; Just Another Soul.
Hmmmm....the fact that you didn't get the PM (I sent one just for you, Mystic-Scholar, after you mentioned you didn't get one!) worries me, cuz I sent out quite a few PM's last night! This may mean I am also VERY technologically challenged, or the "PM" option button does not work!!! I don't wanna recraft them, but many of you deserve the credit I gave you for your various entries!
I have another popular by the church of Incabulos.
Incabulos
“Where lakes run dry,”“Where hunger reins”
“Where sickness roots,”“Where plagues downpour”
“Nightmares are heaved,””Dreams ignored”
“The ever present eye sees all”
“The Black rider comes for us all!”
I'm going to jump on the Call Me, Maybe meme bandwagon. Here goes!
I just bit you,
And, this is crazy,
But I'm a werewolf,
Don't worry 'bout rabies.
I just robbed you,
Don't try to chase me.
Hide In Plain Sight,
Means 'bye, bye baby!'
I shall smite thee,
Evil banshee!
Shut thy trap wench!
You sound so crazy!
It's hard to look right
At you baby.
Gams sure gorgeous,
But snake hair crazy!
I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But my main character is a 16th level Paladin with a +5 Holy Avenger who fought his way through the Fane of Lolth and chased the goddess through a portal onto her own plane where he challenged her to single combat, but she cheated and had all the demons under her command help, but he triumphed because he is just that cool... Wait! I haven't gotten to the best part yet. Where are you going? Do I have something in my teeth?
I am so tired of that song. Though your version is much better.
Now to continue the thread of poetry.
"There once was a man from the aerdy lands"
"Who was obsessed with power"
"He came about some lore on St. Benedor"
"Then went in search for him, in hopes of gaining some power"
"Much to the saints chagrin, Sir Kargoth was full of sin"
"The Orb of Sol, held great divine power"
"A death knight he rose"
"As Sir Kargoth's story goes"
"It was the Sibilant Beast"
"On Kargoths soul his fest"
"Forever doomed to roam the oerthly tomb"
"In Demogorgon name he's encountered"
Not sure if this counts, but I posted this on my blog a while ago (those of you old enough to be familiar with "School House Rocks" will remember the "Interjection" song)...
Wandering Monsters
by Joseph Bloch
(To the tune of "Interjections" by Lynn Ahrens)
The party wouldn't leave level two, uh-huh-huh
The DM knew just what to do-hoo
What came down the hall were
Some carrion crawlers
When the dice said there would be a wand’ring monster…
Hey! They’re tough!
Damn! I’m hit!
Jeeze! It’s not fair sending 6th level monsters at us up here!
Wand’ring monsters (Hey!) mix the game up (Damn!) keep it moving (Jeeze!)
They’re generally monsters that don’t fit into the regular dungeon key
Or nearby monsters when the dungeon is too small…
A ranger beat a ghoul in the woods, uh-huh-huh
His friends were fighting over grave go-ods
The raucous commotion
Put ghasts into motion
When the dice said there would be a wand’ring monster…
Ack! There’s more of them!
Wait! They seem to have more hit dice than before.
Ugh! What’s that smell?
Wand’ring monsters (Ack!) mix the game up (Wait!) keep it moving (Ugh!)
They’re generally monsters that don’t fit into the regular dungeon key
Or nearby monsters when the dungeon is too small…
So when the game’s lagging (Damn!) or slow (Jeeze!)
You’re squabbling (Ack!) or loud (Ugh!)
Fate says (Aw!) or whim (Frack!)
A wand’ring monster’s sure to start a fight!
The troupe came to the end of the quest, uh-huh-huh
The lich found he was second be-est
The magical fighting
Drew demons like lightning
When the dice said there would be a wand’ring monster…
Aw! We cleared out that room already!
Frack! Anyone have any healing potions?
Lookout! That one has an ebon skull-tipped wand!
Wand’ring monsters (Aw!) mix the game up (Frack!) keep it moving (Lookout!)
They’re generally monsters that don’t fit into the regular dungeon key
Or nearby monsters when the dungeon is too small…
So when the game’s lagging (Damn!) or slow (Jeeze!)
You’re squabbling (Ack!) or loud (Ugh!)
Fate says (Aw!) or whim (Frack!)
A wand’ring monster’s sure to start a fight!
Wand’ring monsters (Damn!) mix the game up (Damn!) keep it moving (Damn!)
They’re generally monsters that don’t fit into the regular dungeon key
Or nearby monsters when the dungeon is too small…
Wand’ring monsters mix the game up keep it moving
Tee Pee Kay now, Tee Pee Kay now, Tee Pee Kaaaaaaaaaaay… YEA!
I have many nationalities in my family tree. Irish is one of them. What can I say race is not an issue for my people. As long as their human or human-like it appears it has a shot of adding to our family line.
Later
Argon
Last edited by Argon on Mon Aug 06, 2012 11:04 pm; edited 1 time in total
Nice little limerick mortellan. Now Lanthorn needs to summon one from his kilt.
Later
Argon
NICE one, Mort!!!
Argon, sorry to disappoint, but my ethnic background (to my current knowledge) does not include the Irish. All the limericks I know are crude and indecent.
Tasha was her mother's princess.
The witch became Zagyg's apprentice.
Betraying companions,
She left for the Cantons,
Her future there very portentous.
There once was a man from Rel Mord,
sitting still made him utterly bored.
To Innspa he hied,
Then to Ratik he'd ride,
In the end up to Glot and the fjord.
Vecna was the prince of all liches,
Acererak was one of his bitches.
But his trust in lord Kas
bit his bone ****;
lost his empire and all of its riches!
Last edited by GreyhawkGrognard on Tue Aug 07, 2012 6:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
"Bigby lived in a holy land"
"The great priests of Rao, guided this man"
"He took to magic, like a bird takes to flight"
"All of his spells followed the same plan"
"His colleges have learned, he's good with his hands"
GreyhawkGrognard and Argon, very nice contributions!
Hope others will offer up some verses to Lirr. Remember, it is the thought and effort that make the offering worthy in Lirr's eyes, not its quality as judged by the peoples of Canonfire!
"In the land of hawks"
"a legend arose"
"Building a castle, and capturing divine souls"
"Some say he's crazy"
"Some say he's mad"
"Yet nine divine beings, could not escape his grasp"
"It took an adventurer of superior skill"
"to free all of nine, and reach a domain"
"Insanity forged from magic and mind"
"What madness constructed such a complicated place?"
"Only Zagyg knows what lies in this place".
This is a spoof I wrote to the tune of Hotel California. We were getting pummeled by a necromancer in the ruin's courtyard at Bone Hill and the necormancer called out "you can check out any time you like but you can never leave"... I couldn't resist.
The Castle-Necromancia
Above a dark deadly forest, cold chills fill our hair
Hot stench of the corpses, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, we saw a small bugbear scout
Dalic's ears stopped working and Yalta froze with fear
We found a sinister bout
There they stood in the doorway
We heard the Shaman tell
The bugbears to eat the elves.
This was a ruin but it could be hell
Then Kuba was tampled and Cirdon levitates
And a voice filled the corridor
We all heard him say
[Hook]
Welcome to the Castle-Necromancia
Such a deadly place
Such a ugly face
Plenty of room at the Castle-Necromancia
If you like the fear
You can find it here
[Verse 2]
His mind is Necromancy-twisted, he got the walking dead
He got a lot of ugly, ugly boys he calls minions
How they fought in the courtyard, cruel demon sweat
Tarstar dance to remember, Dalic kills to forget
So we called out to Grimlock
Get back in the fight!
He said, just taking in the view from here. The tower looks pretty tight.
And still those slow guys are running from far away
Southar flies over the wall to fight
Just to hear us say
[Hook]
Welcome to the Castle-Necromancia
Such a scary place (Such a scary place)
Such a ugly face
We're dieing right now at the Castle-Necromancia
What a dark surprise (what a dark surprise)
The brink of our demise
[Verse 3]
Mage is on the ceiling
Zombies flee from our cries
And he said: "They are all just prisoners here of my own device"
And in the castle chambers
Bugbears whisper in their grief
"We stabbed a Dwarf with our steely knives
But we just can't kill the beast!
Last thing we remember, we were
Running for the hall.
We had to find the passage back
Wait, why's that dwarf so tall???"
"Relax" said the night man
"I are programmed to receive
You can check-out any time you like
But you can never leave!"
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I don't wanna recraft them, but many of you deserve the credit I gave you for your various entries!
All the limericks I know are crude and indecent. 