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    Re: Mandros and the Rise and Fall of Oeridian Power in the Sheldomar (Score: 1)
    by Samwise (samwise1@msn.com) on Thu, September 08, 2005
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    Errr . . . yeah. I thought I'd gotten most of that during successive read throughs.
    Most of that is just an editing failure though, hopefully the general intent comes through.

    As for your notes:

    Paragraph one, sentence two: should be "Neither had any intention"

    Paragraph two, sentence three: This whole thing should read "The tensions that had been rising during the transition edged closer and closer to a boiling point, as the older Keogh nobles make it clear that they wouldn’t stand by and let their kinsmen be attacked, no matter what provocation they might be giving."

    Paragraph three, sentence four: Yeah, I do that constantly. I'm terrible with controlling my nouns and pronouns.. To be clear, all refer to the nobles who had come from the other Javan Counties and were moved to Sterich.

    I've added the first two edits to my text, and left myself a note to clear up the third one.
    Thanks for pointing those out.


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